Queers Fuck Shit Up (thank god)

And so we have another National Coming Out Day. As such, I'd like to out queers as having a history of smooth fucking style. You all know who that is above, right? That's Peaches. Peaches doesn't give a fuck. That's why her style (bizarre as it is, eat your heart out, Lady GaGa) kills it. Her real name is Merrill Beth Nisker and prior to being an icon, she was a drama teacher. I never took drama in high school, for fear of emotional trauma, but I don't recall the drama teacher looking ANYTHING like Peaches. Lucky Canadian drama students get teachers who eventually write lyrics like "big trouble in little mangina." Bitches.

But I digress. With all the newish visibility of a wide array queerness, there's been an intense (and expected) backlash--from homophobic bullying that's led to a rash of teen suicides, to an uber-phobia driven slew of trash talk by an ever-ill-informed and  frightfully galvanized Right. Walmart--stalwart friend of the queer community that it is--will be carrying a book all about curing the gays of gay, and Target--responsible corporate community member--recently gave a whole hunk of cash to a business group that supports a notoriously anti-gay gubernatorial candidate. I'm not sure where to buy inexpensive bath products or festive holiday decor anymore. It's all very disorienting.

This mess of dominant culture makes it seem like queers just showed up a couple of years ago and started fucking shit up. Uh-uh. Queers have been fucking shit up for centuries and one of my favorite ways in which it's happened is through... FASHION! What. You expected I would say politics or something? Booooring.

You know what's awesome about fashion that queers have always understood? It's performance. I know, Michael's a broken record, but unhitching oneself from the culturally static is what makes life fun. Think about what makes a person a person. You can't pinpoint anything specifically. It's all fluid from day to day and decade to decade, with constant attempts to communicate the ever-changing "truth" of one's identity, interests, background, gender, etc. It's performance. Otherwise, you'd still be dressing the way you did when you were five. Which some of us do. And that's ok, though kind of eyebrow raising. I also think queers have a history of fabulous fashion because Western culture at large has never extended a welcoming hand. The thing about invisibility is that it offers a great vantage point from which to fiddle and create. 

Have you ever gotten a used book with mysterious hand-written notes in the margins? In some way, the marginalia is even more interesting and dynamic than the book. The book might be the point, but the marginalia is what makes the book breath, expand, and come alive. I'm not expanding the metaphor anymore.

And now, my favorite queer fashion/style icons:

Christine Jorgensen (1927-1989) 

Sadly, Christine Jorgensen didn't leave me those sunglasses or that coat when she died. Because she had no idea who I was. 

Lili Elbe (1882-1931)

Before transitioning, Ejnar Wegener (Lili) was married to painter, illustrator and Parisian fashion designer, Gerda Wegener. Lili was Gerda's favorite model for women's high fashion.

Gertrude Stein (1874-1936)

I know, I know. You don't usually think "Gertrude Stein and fashion," but I've always loved the no bullshit look that she maintained. She had a great selection of vests, and I love that coat and hat in the first photo. Besides that, she always wore an expression of self-assurance, and style is as much about eye contact and confidence as it is about clothes. Learn it, y'all.

Alison Mosshart (1978-Right fucking now)

That's right. I put three pictures up of Kills front woman, Alison Mosshart. Because I've always had a huge crush on her. She's like Audrey Tautou meets, I don't know, someone I could actually meet and have a bad ass conversation with. Over liquor. Before getting into a bar fight. Where I put my cigarette out on a bitch. Sorry, where was I?

Grace Jones (1948-Now)

I'm going to be honest, I couldn't find any clear proof that Grace Jones is queer apart from Wikipedia, but I'm going to put her in here anyway because, HELLO. Also, she said this intense thing: I’ve looked the devil in  the face, and god, and somehow I've found a balance. But being extreme is at the same time a balance - one extreme balances the other.

Peaches (1966-Now)

Nuff Said. 

Monstah Black (I don't know)

Monstah Black is fucking awesome. And since this whole post is about queers, fashion, and performance, what better person to close my list of icons than with a performance artist? First, I want the glasses in the last picture. What. I look at men's fashion as much as women's for ideas. Second, see how MB owns the space? That's STYLE. He and Peaches don't give a fuck.  If you don't know who Monstah Black is, let me give you a little peek. Here's how MB described a recent project: I'm interested in channeling the middle passage to address issues of gender fluidity as well as violence and bullying. I imagine it resembling Fela Kuti meets Sylvester while sipping champagne with Prince and Grace Jones in a lounge on the bottom of the ocean.

Queers: fucking shit up through fashion and fun gender performance since forever. Sorry you're so booooring, Right Wing.

Do, Dump or Marry?

Tell me you remember this game from highschool!!  Here's how it goes:  I list three famous persons and you tell me which one you would "do," which you would "dump," and which you would "marry."  This here be the fashion edition.

Do, Dump or Marry (andro 80s icons):

Grace Jones

Klaus Nomi

Boy George

Obviously I'd marry Grace Jones.  Leather gloves, a fur stole, and what looks like a 44 caliber revolver? This is an outfit appropriate for almost any special event.  The soft luxury of the fur, the sophistication of opera-length gloves, and the contained aggression of the loaded gun are a perfect expression of Jones' persona: serene, regal, and BAD ASS.

His shiny rubber suit is AMAZING, but I'd have to dump Klaus Nomi.  Also, even though Klaus is revered among the art geeks and scenesters who actually know who he is for being ahead of his time and counter-culture, what's funny is that he totally bit that suit idea off of David Bowie after he played SNL with him:

Both suits were made by a guy named Jimmy at the famous New York costume shop Brooks Van Horn. I could have put David Bowie and his superior suit in the mix, but then I'd have a hard time choosing between him and Grace Jones for Marry.

This means I'd do Boy George. Honestly, who wouldn't?  Look at those smoldering eyes!!  I love what he's done with color in this outfit -- bold, warm, complimentary colors remind me of a tropical sunset, and the chambray jacket with beige lining adds a neutrality that reminds me of the ocean and the beach.  Go Boy George. Let's make out ;)

Do, Dump or Marry (homophones - by which I do not mean gay cellular devices):

Katherine Von Drachenberg

Katharine Hepburn

Catherine the Great

I would marry Katharine Hepburn.  Even though she was in that hella racist movie African Queen.  Actually, I have never seen African Queen, but the movie was made in 1951 and it is about white people in Africa so....  yeah.  But wouldn't it be great to have her as my permanent date?  Say I write a screenplay and it gets nominated for an Oscar. I'm on the red carpet wearing couture by John Galliano with Katharine Hepburn on my arm!! And Joan Rivers is like, "Damn I thought I was old! Your date is dead. But really, she looks wonderful in that antique tweed pants suit by Muriel King, just wonderful darling, wonderful." 

I would do Kat Von D.  Because... well Kat Von D is kind of hot.  She's just so - dirty.  I know how much her boobs sweat in that Agatha Blois custom leather vest. And I like it.  Kat Von D's look is SO L.A.  -- under the vest she's always wearing a bikini top instead of a bra - as if she might have to go to the beach at any moment.  And when she gets there, someone's gonna have to help her put suncreen on all those tattoos so they don't fade.  Someone like Carrie Leilam Love.

I would dump Catherine the Great.  And don't say I made it too easy, just because she is old.  You know who else is old? Michael Douglas.  Donald Trump. Jack Nicholson. Are you getting my drift?  Catherine the Great was one rich, powerful beezy!!  Rich enough to wear gowns made by French dressmakers out of silk brocade from China, wear them with Ermine trimmed robes and more bling than an episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County.  While I am a Taurean with a weakness for material things, I would still dump C-to-the-G.  Because 1. Getting through layers and layers of crinolines and the taught infrastructure of royal 18th century panniers sounds like a pain and 2. She was totally an imperialist and an asshole to poor people.

Do, Dump or Marry (homonymfs homonyms):

Tina Fey

Tina Turner

Tina

This last one is tough.  The Zac Posen gown Tina Fey wore to the 2009 Oscars is exquisite.  A nod to the 40s version of the strong shoulder rather than the 80s version, it's classic hollywood. It's saying, Look, I am not just here to dress up like Sarah Palin and make you laugh, I am a classy actress!  It is also saying, Hey! look at my boobs!  Classy/funny is not an easy combo to pull off, I admire that.

Tina Turner... ok enough of this farce, of course I'm going to marry Tina Turner. I want to ride motorcycles wearing a skimpy chain mail outfit for the rest of my life. I truly do.  Aunty Entity's post apocalyptic look has been iterated quite a bit on runways of late.  Maybe even people who make too much money selling ridiculously priced clothing to other people who make too much money are starting to realize the world is going to shit like the rest of us have known all along... People like the Mulleavey sisters at Rodarte:

And Christophe Decarnin at Balmain:

And Marc Jacobs at Louis Vuitton:

Since I'll be marrying Ms. Turner, that leaves Ms. Fey and Methanphetamines.  Hmmmm.... do Tina Fey? Or do Crystal Meth?  Sexy and Funny or Lots of Energy ALL THE TIME?  I think I'll go with Ms. Fey.  Because I'm pretty sure doing her will not result in losing my teeth and open sores on my face... but maybe I should check with her ex just to be sure...

Love

Carrie